Photo by Jacek Pobłocki on Unsplash
Naples, FL — No one was surprised when 40-year-old Nicole Walsh of Naples arrived at charity luncheons, art exhibits, and restaurant openings in coordinating mask and dress ensembles.
“Nicole is such a fashion diva,” said Debbie Dellinger, a long-time friend, and frequent face on the charity lunch circuit. “From the moment masks became mandatory, she had them made to match every item of clothing in her closet.”
“I mean, who does that?” she added, swigging her San Pellegrino. “And why didn’t I think of it?”
But once the mask mandate was lifted, several friends including Pam Depew, chair of this year’s Save the Kitten-Heels gala, and Nancy Voight, founder of the Cream-Colored Masks Only consortium, wondered what would become of Walsh’s extensive collection.
“She’s got hundreds of them — “
“Dammit!” yelped Depew, toppling off her tiny heels.
“But none in cream, of course,” Voight interjected. “Nicole’s all about negative attention. But now what’s she going to do with them?”
Turns out she’s repurposed them.
As presents.
“Like Covid wasn’t the gift that kept on giving?” asked an incredulous Dellinger, backing away from a pair of pillowcases made with dozens of Walsh’s used masks. “See that one?” she cried, pointing to a glorious red silk number. “She had a cold sore on her lip the night she had it on! She even said the bubbles from her Prosecco were bothering it!”
“Nicole was hacking up a lung when she wore this thing,” bemoaned an exasperated Depew, pointing to a skimpy string bikini made from several of Walsh’s masks. “I know I’d look hot as hell in this, but there’s no chance I’m putting her runny nose and sputum anywhere near my snatch!”
“You two can complain all you want,” said Voight. “She made me a flower pot cover! Like my plants need her help dropping dead!”
When asked if the masks were washed or even dry cleaned before she launched her questionable craft project, Walsh was indignant.
“God, you can’t do anything nice for anyone anymore!” she sobbed, flopping onto her sofa. “Oh no; they have to get all picayune about cleanliness! I mean, Covid, shmovid! Whatever happened to ‘it’s the thought that counts?’”