Photo by Rudi Fargo on Unsplash
Some women get facelifts. Others opt for butt lifts. But me? It seems I need a sinus lift.
Have fun and scare yourself silly. Go ahead and Google that.
I did. Immediately I begged for a medically induced coma.
But — before this lovely procedure can be conducted — I have to part with two teeth.
Molars.
Aka, the food-chewing teeth.
I can’t decide if I’m angry about being forced into a liquid diet. Or thrilled. Because wine is a liquid after all.
I’m going to miss my molars. We’ve enjoyed some super rare ribeyes together.
And burgers.
The occasional, illicit piece of fried chicken.
Like most of my memory, my molar bones are gone. Evaporated into thin air. There’s nothing left for my molars to cling to.
I have no idea how that happened and frankly?
I didn’t know such a thing could happen.
I asked if I could bring my beloved molars home to put beneath my pillow for the Tooth Fairy to find.
“Uh I guess so,” stated my startled dentist.
“They’ll be there a looong time babe,” replied my husband.
I guess he doesn’t want to touch them. But more likely it’s about the cash.
Hmm. Maybe I should sleep at my mom’s. The Tooth Fairy’s never had trouble finding me there.
Tell me, where is the justice in all of this?
Other women get facelifts, boob lifts, butt lifts. What do I get?
A sinus lift.
There’ll be no, “Susan, that sinus lift took ten years off you!”
And then, after I heal, if I heal from the trauma of the whole thing, I have to get an implant.
Other women get breast implants. I get a tooth.
Ever seen a tooth strutting the beach in a bikini? My point exactly.
The whole thing stinks. I blame the bone that flew the coop while I wasn’t looking.
How it got out, I’m unsure.
Though my husband has a theory.
“Could it be,” he said carefully, “because your mouth is always open?”
Thanks for reading my funny stuff! My friend Amy is a pretty funny chick, too. Cher her out. Thanks!
Facelifts, Butt Lifts, and I Wind Up With a Sinus Lift
That last sentence hits hard. How much do two molars weigh? (Trying to be positive here).
Good luck. 🦷🦷